Infidelity on the Kiss Cam: Why We Cheat, and What It Says About Us
Recently, a video from a Coldplay concert went viral, not for the music, but for the moment the kiss cam landed on a man cozying up to someone who wasn’t his partner. The problem? He’s a well-known CEO and astronomer, and the whole world seemed to figure out, in real time, that he was cheating.
The internet lit up almost immediately; shaming him, mocking him, and dissecting every detail. It was awkward, messy, and strangely captivating.
And that’s the thing about infidelity: even when it’s not our story, we can’t seem to look away.
We’ve seen this in our work with clients, and we’ve seen it in our own lives: affairs are messy. They stir up big feelings: hurt, anger, shame, but also curiosity, grief, and sometimes even desire. Like Esther Perel has said in her work, affairs are both “the ultimate betrayal” and “the ultimate fantasy.” They challenge what we think we know about love and commitment.
So Why Do People Cheat?
It’s rarely just about wanting someone else. More often, it’s about wanting to feel like someone else: to feel alive, wanted, free. As Esther Perel puts it, sometimes people aren’t turning away from their partner so much as they’re turning away from the person they themselves have become.
Of course, none of that makes it okay. The pain of betrayal is real and valid. But it’s also more complicated than just “bad people doing bad things.”
Why We Love to Shame
We live in a world where private mistakes quickly become public spectacle. That CEO on the kiss cam? His one bad choice became a meme within minutes.
We can’t help but wonder: what does our obsession with calling people out say about us?
We’re more permissive than ever when it comes to things like open relationships and swiping culture, and yet, when someone cheats, the judgment can be brutal. There’s very little space for curiosity, or for asking the harder questions: what led up to this? What was missing? What does this couple need now?
If You’re Going Through It…
Maybe the kiss cam moment hit close to home for you — maybe you’ve been on the receiving end of betrayal, or maybe you’ve made a mistake yourself. Either way, we see you. It can feel impossible to even know where to start.
Here’s what we tell the couples and individuals we work with:
• Let yourself feel what you feel. Betrayal hurts. There’s no rushing grief or anger.
• Get curious. Affairs often reveal something deeper: about you, about the relationship, about needs that weren’t being met.
• Get support. These conversations are hard, and you don’t have to figure it all out alone.
• Decide what’s next, at your own pace. Some couples rebuild. Some part ways with integrity. There’s no one right answer.
What We Can All Take Away
That kiss cam moment at the Coldplay concert was a very public reminder of something we all know but don’t like to admit: love is complicated. Relationships are hard. Desire and commitment don’t always line up neatly. And we’re all human.
What if, instead of rushing to shame, we slowed down and asked what we could learn?
In the words of one of Coldplay’s most famous lyrics:
“Nobody said it was easy. It’s such a shame for us to part.”
Even after betrayal, some couples do find their way back, more honest, more aware, more alive.
If you’re sitting in the messy middle of a betrayal or an affair, and you’re not sure where to go from here, we can help. Reach out to us, you don’t have to navigate this alone.
Exhale Psychology Group | @exhale.psychology