What Is Validation? Tips from a Child & Adolescent Therapist in Calgary
My name is Lisa Smith, and I am a Child & Adolescent Mental Health Specialist in Calgary, Alberta. I also work with parents to help support their kids and their struggles. Validation is a topic that comes up with almost every family. We hear from kids and teens a lot that their parents “just don’t understand”. So really trying to understand their perspective even when we do not agree with it shows children and teens that we see and hear them. Read further for more understanding and tips about validation.
What is validation?
Validation is a response that shows you understand another person's point of view and experience even when you don’t agree with it. It can often help to quickly de-escalate a situation where big feelings are involved.
What we are doing…
You are really trying to understand how a person is feeling about the situation and communicating that to them through words and helping them name their emotions. In that, you are recognizing and acknowledging their experience.
You are meeting a need of being heard and understood. All humans want this.
What does this look like as a parent?
· You toddler is melting down over having to wear winter boots, so you respond with “oh honey I know you really wanted to wear different shoes, and this is tough”
· Your teen really wants to sleep over somewhere you’re not comfortable with “I know you really wanted to stay at your friends house tonight and this is really disappointing that you can’t do that”
What validation is not…
This is not a time to use the word “but” in these sentences when you are trying to show understanding as this really invalidates their feelings
It’s not jumping to solutions or teaching/discipline (not yet!)
Validation does not mean you have to agree with everything the person says
I invite you to use a couple of validation statements the next time your young person is upset about something & notice how they respond.
